Meandering mortality

Once again I have a day to meander around London town, this great city with so much charisma with so much history inside every crack and corner.

I have traveled a lot these past few weeks. From South Africa to London to Germany and Switzerland to Scotland and back again and still the adventures are not done. I have 2 full days left here in London and then I'm headed state bound. And once I'm back on American soil I will constantly be moving still for another handful of weeks.

It's hard to sit down and focus when your traveling so much. You would think it would be a great time for rest and relaxation for reflection, but honestly it's not. Your going every single day all day and sleeping whenever you find the chance, or the most comfortable couch, bus seat or long plane ride.

The struggles of traveling like this: it doesn't help my health. With the inconsistent meals it's hard when your allergic to things, with the no sleep, lots of caffeine and different water and trying-to-catch-the-next-bus-stress you know your face is going to be breaking out. And when you get sick do you take a night off and sleep? ... Instead I traveled to the other side of London for curry :S why? Maybe I just couldn't resist the offer of good, authentic curry or maybe it was the fact I have less than a week in London or for the fact that is was my birthday. But whatever it was, something inside me talked me into going out when I shouldn't have. Travel struggle number 2 the consequences of bad decisions are usually immediate and harsh.

After traveling internationally since I was 13, after traveling to over 11 different countries you'd think I'd figure this out by now. But I still pack too much, still spend too much money, still make bad decisions and still don't get enough sleep.

But even if my bags weigh more than I do, even if I just wasted 15 pounds because Nick and I missed our bus to Southampton, even if I am coughing and sniffling as I drink this double-shot cappuccino - these adventures are making my days.

I have no idea where I want to be, or what I want to be doing come January. For the first time in my life - I have no idea what I want (or at least it's not very clear). But these days, of meandering around London are making my days; making my life. And I love everyone of them, thankful for yesterday, anxious for tomorrow, so happy I'm sitting in this wooden chair inside this coffee shop on London's street today. These days, these days of being exhausted because I have met so many amazing people and seen so many spectacular sites, these days of having a sore back because my bags are heavy with clothes and arts and crafts and medicines to keep me creative and healthy. These days of crashing head-on with life, with the way life is suppose to be.

These hectic adventure days I lead may kill me sooner than if I would have stayed on my front porch, but I will die I little wiser, a little happier.

Sick in Scotland

I've been sick all day, it's no fun when you have the sniffles, but no worries I couldn't stay in bed. It is my last full day in Scotland.

This morning I sat alone, at a giant wooden table, looking out the front window, a massive arched window that opens up to the garden and woods - it was the greatest place for my porridge and figs with the leaves still in autumn colors.

Then I worked in the kitchen all morning. I made oat flapjacks in time for everyone when the came in for tea time, and then I helped with lunch (which was a quiche) and I also helped a friend bake a cake (a birthday cake, for Paul) it is an orange and almond cake covered in dark chocolate! I can't wait to try it!

this afternoon was quite lovely. I actually wish it could have lasted more than a few hours. Isabella, a woman from Portugal, 20 years my senior, a woman with wild black curly long hair streaked with Gray, she has wide loving eyes and a massive smile - I love being in her company. Anyways she and I took the car (which was an experience considering she usually drives on the right side of the road, needless to say we laughed a lot). And we headed to Findhorn, a village just down the road from us that sits right on the beach.

I fell in love instantly with this small fishing village with quaint beautiful homes, glorious gardens and numerous sail boats - it looked as if it fell out of a movie. We had fiddles playing in the background as we got lost only a couple times, driving in the last rays as the sunset turned the sky hues of blue and punches of pink, it lit up the water that caressed this small place. It was an afternoon full of mini adventures that I'll never forget.

We made it back it back to the new bold house and now I actually must dash. I'm going out for dinner, don't exactly know where or who with, but the time is coming near and I am excited to be eating.

And I'm sure I'll tell you all about it.... My last Scottish night....

Gardening with strangers

Yesterday I arrived at the Newbold House on St.Leonards road, just outside of the small village Forres. And too be honest, I had no idea what I had just gotten myself into. Honestly I felt like I checked into a middle-age hippie counseling center. Obviously my mid-western cynicsm glasses were on, but I dug in and it turned out alright. I helped cook dinner, a venison pie and sautéed kelp - which was divine - and local and organic. Had good conversations meeting the community and with hot tea and a hot shower I slept like a rock.

This morning was splendid. I worked all morning in the sunshine in the garden, such a great feeling. This garden here is quite large, a third of an acre I would say. Pulling weeds from the rhubarb and corn and cutting different leaves for our lunch salad. I remember my mom gardening all my years while living at home, when I was little we had a veggie garden and then as I grew my mom created beautiful flower gardens all around our home; I loved having them there, I just never did the work, nor did I want too, although the only thing mom ever wanted help with was the watering. (pretty sure her gardening time was so she could get away from us kids, not for us to join in, haha)

But now as I garden, as I had my knee high rubber boots on, with gardening gloves and a beanie warming my head, as the sun shone on me and the brisk air reddened my cheeks - I loved every second of it. Having my hands in the soil and working hard, being able to see the work when it was completed was so satisfactory.

The community here is one in it's own, a mixed blend of different individuals, I feel as if I'm living life from some novel that was once written. There is only 12 of us here, some live here full time, some are here for a season, others are just stopping through for a short while. I am here for the shortest time by far, only 4 days - while everyone else is here for weeks, months or years even.

You have the very spiritual one, the one who wants to make an astrology chart and talks as if she is pyscho-analyzing everything (she happens to be from San Francisco) and you have the yoga teacher from Italy who doesn't know much English, the health guru from Portugal, the intense-feisty woman from Amsterdam, the 21 year old frenchie who is trying to find herself, an italian man who is dating the local marine biologist, and the local woman who is an artist running a bed&breakfast with her life-partner and one of the main people here happens to be a hysterical, very opinionated Irish woman. Then you have Shawn, a local scot who has traveled the whole world and doesn't seem like he'd end up at a place like this, due to his manliness and 'go-get-em' attitude but he loves the simple life and nature and is great for conversation & then Seth an American who fell in love with a french woman and Scottish yachts but ended up here due to being abandoned by both his love and economic wealth. And finally my favorite, is Janet, a woman who is stunningly beautiful with her sun-kissed face and wrinkles she's spent decades traveling the world, she's a wind-surfer who was raised as an army brat but spent half her life as a gypsy. All of the people in this community are really beautiful individuals, that make my smile - all of them still searching for something. They all just happen to be searching inside themselves, or searching nature and traditions; not realizing they haven't found what will fulfill them for eternity.

It's lovely being here, away from it all. A good place to spend a couple days. And now I must go, I'm full from my turnip burger lunch and it's now time for me to go explore this Scottish land; there are forests, beaches, villages, castles and lochs that are calling me.

Hello Scotland....

I wish I had my camera with me right now. I wish you could see what I am looking at. I pulled my window shade down, I was exhausted as I boarded this plane, my 4th plane in 14 days. But then I gasped out loud when I pulled that blinder back.

I am currently flying above the UK, headed straight north towards Iverness, Scotland. And below are massive mountains and numerous hills, painted brown, decorated with lakes - with the sea to the west the rugged vastness just continues to unravel in every direction I can see.

Maybe I'm just a lost American, maybe I'm just a prideful girl. I don't know exactly what put me on this plane, all alone 3 days from my birthday heading as far north as I possible can on this small chunk of land. But honestly I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. That same feeling I had when I was 19 on my solo venture through guatemala and Mexico. I wouldnt want to be anywhere else but in this exact spot. This adventure makes me smile like a dork and puts more butterflies in my stomach than Cupid.

no time to write when its adventure time...

Ok honestly I have no idea how so many travelers have 'travel blogs'. I thought that would be easy, telling stories along the way, but it is ridiculous actually. I mean don't get me wrong I have numerous stories for you like how Switzerland ended for me and my 3 comrades - how we hiked up a massive hill to explore a castle in the middle of the night on 'all hallows eve'. Or how I spent my last week in Germany helping coach basketball camps which were an adventure all in their own considering basketball hasn't touched my fingertips for a year or for the fact that I don't know a lick of German. But I could go on and on about those camps, about how fun they were, how much I loved being back on the court, how I fell in love with each of those kids or how proud I am of the work Christian and Janis have done there.

But then again I don't have enough hours in my life to describe being back in London to you. How I spent every second of the last two days going so that we could see all the major sites in London, all the ones I've already seen plus Buckingham Palace and London Tower Bridge and riding the London Eye and more. So yes its obvious I could fill you with stories of events that have happened, adventures I've partaken in, world wonders I have seen, but do you realize I could probably double those stories while trying to explain to you the things that are on my heart and the things that my mind have been thinking?

I wish I could describe my 3 travel buddies, my british bearded, pipe-smoking, tender-hearted, star wars lover, Mr.Mack; or the out-going, kind hearted, strong-willed leader my friend Christian is, and his wife, my dear friend Janis who is the most adorable, hospitable, loving woman you could ever have the honor of be-freinding. All 3 are ridiculously incredible, all of them opinionated with strong characters, all of them God-fearing and people loving, all of them made me smile and laugh and feel so blessed to call them friend.

But I mean as much as I tried to think of my beloved mates my mind has continually been wondering back and forth to things in front of me; like culture and the differences between south africa and europe and america, like food or fashion, like lifestyles, traditions, societies, even discrimination, cultivation, education and sophistication. As well as the things in front of me; like my future and the upcoming travels and the responsibilities that need to be handled or how God still hasn't pointed me in a direction for January.

My mind and heart are just as much all over the map right now as I am physically.

4 days ago I was in Germany, 7 days ago I was in Switzerland, less than 2 weeks ago I was in South Africa, in 1 week I will be flying to America, and in 3 days I turn 23. But tonight I am in London and tomorrow morning I will be in Scotland.

So with that said, that hectic schedule, the fact that I have been in 6 countries in 2 weeks and in one week I'll have 2 more to add, the fact that I have traveled over thousands of miles, and jumped between languages, currencies and time zones that is the only excuse I have for not sharing all my stories with you - that is my justification. And why I still have no idea how all those travelers do it, I'm actually thinking a lot of those travel bloggers go to these amazing places and then spend a handful of hours on their laptop everyday instead of truly immersing themselves in cultures and relationships. But maybe someday I will master it, maybe even on this 3-month travel period I have committed myself too!!

But tonight I will go to bed, smiling for the dreams I have achieved, peaceful for the God I serve is so good and loves me more than I deserve and anxious because yet again I have another adventure awaiting me in a few hours and just a bus, train and plane ride away.

So good night... for now....

Swiss days

A mere update...

I arrived in lorrach Germany on Thursday, spending the days with great friends exploring the small village the Lawyers live in. Eating German brats, running through fall foliage, exploring a castle, coaching basketball in German, having a girls and shopping at the local farmer's market. My heart was completely happy in Lorrach. But we've left Lorrach and began an adventure in the adventure.

Heavy from the day we make our winding way around the lake, with the village's lights laminating the hillsides and the billows being painted in a pink and blue sunset. Heavy from a filled day venturing through Swiss terrain.

We left lorrach late yesterday arvo, beginning our journey with a doner (or a kebab type gyro) our stomachs full we drove across the German border into the night, onto the winding ridiculous roads of the Swiss. Stopping briefly to see friends and Bryan pound's concert in beil. But we was a brief stop indeed for we still had to make our way onto are resting place. Stopping to get a map and key out of a mailbox in steffisburg you would think we were on a treasure hunt, in our massive van sneaking through skinny Swiss streets.

But finally we arrived at our destination, at nick's family's flat in thun. Our heads finally found our beds as we all slept sweetly. To wake up to today, a beautiful crisp fall morning here in the land of the swiss. We started it out with breakfast, family style at home of course, and then walked our way downtown for a cup of local coffee. After a bit of wandering my 3 friends and I decided we would wander else where, so we hoped back in our scooby-doo type mobile and drove straight for those glorious alps.

A train ride and a gondola we finally made our way 1950 meters sky high to the top of niederhorn. Frolicking around the peak and looking over sheer drops we communed on that peak, sipping Swiss hot chocolate and a macchiato. What a glorious, breath-taking view those snow capped peaks were, but it wasn't just looking out, it was always looking down across the thunersee lake and the villages that have planted themselves there.

Well we eventually tore ourselves off the mountain to carry on our way. In which we traveled to a nearby town, interlaken. Where we wandered, bought swiss souvenirs and drank gluhwein (mulled wine) with other tourists from all over the world.

And now we head back to our current home to make cheesy raclette for dinner.

still in London, but not for long...

As I write this I'm already feeling sleepy and my eyelids are getting heavy with knowing I need to be up by 5am tomorrow. So this may be another short blog ....

Tuesday and Wednesday were two days that were quite similar to one another. Nick had to work so he didn't have to play tour guide for another day, so I had two days to myself. I spent both of the days exploring and wandering aimlessly around London, getting lost only a handful of times :) I found myself in great local shops, stumbling upon hidden roads that have secrets that are dazzling. Although I must admit it to you both days I had starbucks cofffee :)

The packed filled streets of London continually keep me in a daze trying to figure out which direction is which and with buildings so tall you can't see the horizon and cloudy skies that block out the sun my sense of direction completely comes from within, which actually kept me from getting too terribly lost. Today I came across vintage thrift shops, a bubble tea shop, china town and a vegan, curry juice bar! All of which were great (and tasty if I made add) experiences!!

Tuesday and Wednesday evening were both similar as well, for I joined Nick to churchy things. Tuesday we went to his cell group and Wednesday we went to his church's 'Alpha' course. Both nights were so fantastic! I can't elaborate on how much I thoroughly enjoyed the company of these local English folk and hearing how God is working in their lives. It is such a blessing to get a front row seat to this London community forming out of Kings Cross. Such a blessing to hear individual's hearts as they wrestle with life just trying to pull themselves nearer to God and trying to live life as intentionally as possible with those around them.

And as I said, this will be a short blog, for I must go pack because tomorrow at 5:00am I am catching a bus to catch yet again another airplane. A week ago today I was in South Africa, today London, tomorrow Germany, Saturday Switzerland.

Nick and I are leaving London tomorrow to meet up with my good friends Janis and Christian. Were spending the weekend together in Switzerland and then I am staying an extra few days with them in Germany. My words cannot explain how happy my heart is too be seeing a dear friend!!

So this is what you have to look forward toward to, days hiking and exploring the Swiss alps, helping out with basketball ministry in Germany, more London exploration and then I'm planning a trip for Scotland that has to do with organic gardening, cooking and wildlife conservation! :D So I am thankful for these last days spent in the good company of Nick Mack in good 'ol London town and I am so anxious for the days to come!

But right now I'm ridiculously anxious for my pillow .... good night friends ... you'll be hearing from me soon ...

London on a Saturday

As I stood with my back against the timeless bricked building I felt as if I was in a dream I dreamt time and time again. To my right were the pinstriped tarps that covered the booths that overflowed with cheeses, olives, pastries, meats, clothes, bags – assortments of delicacies and delights. As people shopped around in their scarves and hats a couple of men played music. One on the fiddle, one on the guitar and harmonica – they played folk Irish music that would warm your heart on this brisk fall morning just as much as your espresso

There is warmth in the air, even in the midst of the fall here in London town, a warmth being spread from the people who love these lives that they live. It’s contagious.

I left the Broadway market, with a new wool/leather wallet, a macchiato and a feta filled pastry. And spent that afternoon at a local hipster-occupied coffee shop to try and get some things done.

After the perfect fall morning and a relaxed arvo we spent the evening with friends. Eating Japanese we were 3 Americans (although none of us have been back state side for a year or more), 1 English man, 1 from Venezuela and a German. From there we jaunted through town and buses to make our way to an old English pub for a birthday party.

Another day falling in love with this country and its culture, another day spent in good company,

Why hello London...

Well, it’s only my third day here in London town and I feel as if I have a lot to catch you up on! I arrived early Thursday morning, took the rest of that day pretty easy due to extreme exhaustion and than that evening Nick Mack (the bearded British gentleman I am staying with here in London) and I went to a live concert at an amazing venue. It really was a great day but I have much more to tell you about…

Friday morning Nick and I walked from his flat, through the narrow streets and through the local market to make our way to ‘Red Art’. This café blessed my first English morning with an amazing Turkish breakfast! Which could have been regarded as an omen for the rest of our day.

After that we had an amazing adventure navigating our way through a brisk, sunny London, walking our feet around the stained pavements and riding the red double-decker buses we eventually made our way through some of London’s most epic spots.

We went to Speakeasy Coffee; which is a rad shop where we made our own drip-brew coffee and was fortunate enough to taste the smoothness of a grand combination.

From there we toured more of Carnaby Street, checking out little shops. As we made our way down the hectic, people-filled street Nick lead us into Piccadilly Circus which was inspiring with its detailed architecture and statues. As we continued our journey we made our way through Trafalgar Square, the National Gallery and onto London's south bank.

The south bank easily became one of my favorite spots as it opened up to the beautiful river, The Thames, running right through London allowing you to see so much of this glorious city as if it was unfolding like the perfect display from a pop-up-book. At the south bank we ate dinner in the market, I found a little Polish stand and had some delicious eats and we treated ourselves to some divine mulled wine! Now at this point I was beyond happy, because of the market, the great treats and the incredible intoxicating atmosphere London gives off. But it didn’t take long for it to blow over…

Because right after we finished dinner I followed Nick back up to the Thames where we then ran into Big Ben and Westminster – which completely blew me away.

Some girls grow up dreaming about their wedding, about that entire day and every detail about it and when that day comes, it is exactly as they imagined… For me I grew up daydreaming about England, about Big Ben and the double decker buses, I fantasized about the fashion and the coffee and the invigorating vibe that the people of London lived in. And as I stared across the river at that massive clock shooting up in the starry night air with all its glory – it was indeed, everything I dreamed it would be. It was just as incredible, impressive and beautiful as I always knew it would be.

We closed our night by heading to a local pub in Dalston, with a glass of red wine and in good company I closed my second night in London. Knowing bigger adventures were on the horizon.

time to go...

Last night was my last South African braai. Possibly the last time I would see a handful of people that have become very dear to my heart.

I cried. There is a part of me that has no desire to leave Jbay.

and then I packed ....

And now this morning I am leaving, I am driving to Port Elizabeth and getting on that plane and flying to London.

This is the second time in my life I have had to say goodbye to this country I have grown so fond of. The first time I am saying hello to England.

I am excited. There is a part of me that is so over joyed because of this grand, unknown adventure.

and so now I go... because

C.S. Lewis once said, "There are better things ahead than any we leave behind" and I believe him.

Farewell South Africa ...

I can’t believe how fast this year went, how quickly the time passed. As I was running today through the streets of Jbay I took the route I always do one that sets me on top of the hill so I can look out over the lagoons. As I saw the lagoon as it meshed into the sea and the sea opened up into its endless depths that was the first time a tear fell from my eyes. I felt a stinging pain in my heart because I have to leave this land. I cannot explain to you how much I love this country and how easily I could stay here.

Although I love South Africa for a lot of different reasons for its people, culture and nature; there is something in me attached to South Africa and I do believe that it is the adventure. In my head South Africa was always the ultimate adventure, the country on the tip of Africa touching the world’s most southern sea. I would sit on the beach in Jeffreys and I would dream about jumping on one of those boats and heading straight south until we found pirates and penguins. To me South Africa was the gateway to the ultimate feats– and now I have to walk away from that door that rests at the world’s end. So I feel there is a right to mourn, to mourn for this epic challenge has come to a close.

And so now on this cloudy Tuesday when I have decided to fully embrace my lonesome blues because I am forced to wave goodbye to this country, to this season, I do wave with a longing. This year wasn’t an easy one for me and if you are close to me you heard some of my pains, but in those mountains of storm I never wanted to depart from this adventure but now the day has come and I have no idea how it came so quickly.

I think my goodbyes are so hard because I am used to going on an adventure and then going back to my ‘regular’ life – at least that was what I did from ages 13-21 and I feel as if that is what is happening now, but friends that’s not the case. I spent all of year 22 on the most epic, the most southern adventure I’ve ever had and now I’m entering into another adventure.

I am departing from South Africa tomorrow morning at 10:20 and flying into another grand escapade!! So follow me if you will, but here I jump from the southern sea and head towards the northern euro metropolis where I will explore for a month before heading back to Yankee soil.

Here’s the next few months of this adventure I call my life…

South Africa--> London --> Switzerland --> Germany --> London--> New York City --> Kansas City --> Phoenix --> Flagstaff, AZ --> Lincoln, NE --> Joplin, MO --> Lexington, NE --> California

Each spot will be an adventure all in its own, from spending time with old friends and new friends, to exploring European cultures, shopping and hiking and coffee tasting to eating Thanksgiving dinner with my family, to weddings, to surfing and snowboarding. Spending no longer than a week in each city I will be traveling constantly until mid-January, even then having no end in sight.

So Goodbye South Africa, we had a grand adventure you and I, thank you for always keeping me entertained, for teaching me about myself and for maturing me into the woman I am today. I gave you a piece of my heart and I plan on returning for it someday.

And now I look to you, Europe and America, so get ready and hold onto your pants because as soon as I hit your soil caffeinated, action packed, grand schemes are going to form and create the next, greatest adventure my life has seen!

Tea Party

I have slowly, but surely, been saying my goodbyes to individuals here. Tonight was my girls’ going-away party. A tea party decorated with burlap and lace, with the sweets and the wines glowing from the candles, it was a party that was precious and lovely. Not merely due to the serene surrounding I sat in, but due to the incredible women that joined me.

Nine ladies and myself. Nine women that I did not know this time last year, ranging from all different ages, all different life-stages – they are girls that have lived this last year of life with me. Each one of them has taught me something new, shown me something different.

We laughed a lot and we probably ate too much sugar, we chatted away and acted as girls do. But when the night came to a close, as these dear friends of mine prayed over me it was another string being hit – its time to leave Jbay. Whether I am willing, whether it is appealing, whether it is right or good – it is time.

Before the night completely closed, and we said our farewells, these sweet girls gave me letters and cards – items that mean the world to me. I can see each of their creativity, their uniqueness, their beauty; I can see their hearts through their words. And even though we only shared a year together, even though we only shared a hand full of meals together, a handful of memories; the words they spoke to me meant the world to me... and more.

I have yet to realize the grave impact each one of these women made on my life – and I am sure as I fly London bound on that airplane that I will see things in a new light and with tears in my eyes.

So tonight, night number 273 in South Africa – night number 5 for the countdown until I depart – my last Friday night in Jbay is a night I will never forget for the rest of my life. Because it doesn’t matter the mountains you hike, the horses you ride, the jail cells you dodge, the walls you climb – what matters are those tea parties that you have with those beautiful, amazing, God-fearing women that make you smile because they care so deeply, that make your eyes fill with tears because you find yourself in awe that God would bless you with such great company at a tea-lit tea party set by the sea.

Living the width of my life

The days are dwindling down for me over here in Africa. Slowly but surely October 15^th continues to approach, sitting right there around the corner he’s waiting for me. And what am I to do?! As I have a massive door to close behind me, this Jbay door of mine, I truly will struggle with closing and walking on – to walk down a hall filled with adventures and to walk towards a door that I don’t even recognize yet.

So what do I do?

I’m living it up, every piece of it! Because I am not merely living the length of my life, of my days, but I am living the width of it! Last Friday I went horse back riding here in the bay – a beautiful horse ride through green thickets, which broke open into sand dunes, exhilarating me with the feeling as if I were a desert rider. But soon enough the sea broke into view as it does every day here in the baai. And then my horse, Roxy, and I broke ahead of the group flying as fast as she could carry us down 10ks of beautiful South African beach.

This morning, just down the sand from where I rode Roxy I went for a surf. The only lonely surfer at the break that morning with a dark cloud raised above my head there were only small, soothing waves that brought me some comfort.

I can’t believe this year is behind me, I don’t know how the days flew by so quickly or how my 23^rd year approached so fast. But here I sit, 10 months living as a South African surfer down, 8 days away from an epic European adventure, a month away from my 23^rd and a mere 35 days until I am back on American soil.

For now I reminisce on the great days, the adventures, the challenges, the hardships that South Africa brought me. I’ll process some more and tell you my findings. For now I look anxiously ahead at this hallway of adventure that is guiding me through 6 countries, 7 states and 3 months of a suitcase as a closet. I’ll keep you filled in on every step of the way. For now I look cautiously, curiously at the door that awaits me to open it come February 2012 a door that I don’t even know what color it is, hopefully through these upcoming ventures I will figure out what that door looks like and build up the strength to open it. And I am already excited to let you know what lies behind that door.

Different.

It is quite interesting to look back across this last year. It’s interesting to see how much I’ve changed and grown in every possible way. I can see it in my journal chicken-scratch, I can see it in my posts, I can see it in my relationships. I like the idea of maturing, even though it is a process coated in colors that tend to taint the skin, colors that burn and are not pleasant to experience. It’s always worth it, the outcome anyway. Every year I reflect, I see that process I went through and the maturing God blessed me with, but I still saw me. Now I see an entirely different person.

I’m finding myself these days sitting in a season of rest, refreshment and reflection. I don’t know if the South Africans that have been my company for these last 250+ days see the difference and I don’t know if those state-side that were my company in the past will see the difference, But to be entirely honest with you, I feel the difference in who I have become deeper than my bones.

Phil Edwards said, “There is a need in all of us for controlled danger. That is, there is a need for an activity that puts us on the edge of life. There are uncounted millions of people, right now, who are going through life without any sort of real vibrant kick. The legions of the unjazzed.”

I’ve never wanted to be a member of the unjazzed legions, a member of a crew of individuals who never took any risks, never faced danger head on – those groups that sit comfortably in there comfy chairs so long that it has the imprints of their ass. I dreaded the idea of becoming a member of that society. So my entire life I have done everything I could to be in the legions of the jazzed, to be in the life-style that risks it all so that they may move with the ebb and flow of the raw-side of this world, in order to truly live.

When you move to a foreign country, all by yourself something happens. That ‘life’ cup you had, that cup that formed your identity and security (and essentially makes up all you are) gets emptied. Living in America we have the luxuries of filling up that cup daily, rarely does it get half-empty, if even close to dry. You fill it up with material possessions that bring you comfort, you fill it with family and friends, you fill it by succeeding in American expectations, with rewards, with promotions, with compliments, with financial security, with social acceptance, with cultural comforts, you fill it by being busy, using every minute of every day and you may even save a small degree of that cup for God’s love to comfort you and bring you some identity.

But like I said, something happens when you leave your home-land, your culture, your society, your social network – your cup runs dry and you have no way to re-fill it, no way at all. Except with God. This year was hard, my cup was very dry for a very long time and it was a risk I didn’t realize I didn’t want to take. It was an experience that tasted awful in the midst.

But I guess that is why I am so vastly different today, so different from that girl I was at the beginning of 2011. I guess being a member of the jazzed, taking that risk, emptying the cup… actually filled my cup, filled it with something different, with a substantial substance that has stained the inner lining with a different hue.

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.

~C.S. Lewis

South African Session

What I have learned while living with CSA in SA ...

1. You can avoid rules and order, actually you should. Bring the spontaneity in your life at full force. The systematic structure, is good and helpful and sometimes brilliant, but it can never replace the organic growing and changing of having impromptu disorder be the system for your life.

2. Don’t just embrace chaos, but create a little bit of it. Constant change will only keep you (and the people around you) nimble and flexible, ever growing, ever learning. Within this chaos, be creative – as creative as you want to be and encourage the creativity and ingenuity of those around you.

3. You have to be flexible. All the time, everyday, no matter the project – being flexible is the best asset you can have.

4. Embrace and Empower and Embark. You have the capability to embrace anyone, any idea and anything. Do not just observe but seriously consider going for something, embrace possibilities. Empower anyone, any idea and anything. You have the capability to empower anything in your life. And embark on all you want – all your dreams and all your desires.

5. It’s all about God. Who you are, who you will become, who you want to become is all dependent on God and that’s the only thing it should be dependent on. What you want to do, should be all focused on God. Your entire life will always, should always revolve entirely around our God.

That's mainly what I have learned from the lovely folk at CSA, my coworkers and community. And this is what I have learned from SA culture...

Stay on the left side of the road.

Eat lots of chutney and use lots of zam-buk.

This rainbow country has the most extreme colors in their rainbow.

Braai with pride.

Love Mandela.

Respect the wildlife: the lions and elephants as well as the Nguni cattle and the neighbor's dog

Robots are not like R2D2.

Now does NOT mean now.

‘Eish!’ is for surprise, not short for quiche.

Understanding a country’s history will change your view on everything you see.

The best foods start with ‘B’ biltong, bobotie, boerewors, bunny chow.

You’ll die from dehydration if you don’t like rooibos.

And the best way to reply to ‘Howzit Boet?’ is always lekker!

Running reverie

I was running the other day and had some thoughts come my way, thoughts that correlated running with living. That correlated the concrete road that I was jogging down with this rugged path that I am passing days with.

I was jogging, just warmed up, in the best part of my run, about kilometer 5. And there was a massive wind this day, about 35 mph, that was pushing and shoving me around. As I was running the incline on the side of one of Jbay's main roads the wind picked up on my back, as I thought with a smile 'this is quite fun, quite enjoyable, and the wind is just helping me along on this nice little run.' And then I realized what was really happening, the wind was causing me to pick up my pace, with 5 kilometers left to go I noted if I go any quicker than the set pace I'll be killing myself on that last 400 meters of straight up-hill to my flat. So quickly my smile turned to grimace as I no longer used the wind as an advantage but resisted against it, attempting to keep my set pace.

I starting thinking about running the path of life, that korny cliche that always comes into my mind while on runs during such a transitional period of life. And I began thinking how easily this run could be no fun. I was running about 10ks that day, with a very strong, winter bitter wind beating against my naked legs, cars streaming past me with no concern for my safety. And I could be quite agitated, ready to quit, to walk, to just go back home. But I truly was thoroughly enjoying my run even in the midst of the obstacles. And I owe it to my faithful ipod. The music I was listening to kept me so stoked for this run, it made the obstacles just entertaining and challenging rather than difficult and discouraging. Songs like this and this and even this one. Helped me to jump and jive while i jogged.

And this is where I relate it to life...

In life we always have noise filling our ear drums. From our community to our environment to whatever it is that we decide to fill our hearing vices with. And sometimes, its aginast our choice, we are set, stuck, in a community that is filling us with noise and we don't have ear plugs thick enough to keep it out. That noise will make all the difference. You may be on a difficult run, a path that God placed you on that you need to run because it will turn you into a grand person, a path you need to experience because it will only help you grow - and it could be a fun growth, an enjoyable time.

But if I would have been listening to mellow music, to sorrowful songs, or to lowly lyrics I can promise you I would not have enjoyed that run, I would have taken a short cut home in order to escape the winds blow.

The noise you put in your head, in your heart, will completely dictate not only your journey but your attitude as you take it - your final outcome. Community is one of the most important things in life, one of the most needed things - you will hear noise, no matter what, but you can choose what noise that is.

Ma.chur.ity.

Maturity. It's an interesting thing. A characteristic trait that many, if not all, of the people surrounding me believe they hold. It is a characteristic dent in some one's molding that if you were to tell them was not there, or only came out now and then - they well, would get defensive, very defensive.

But maturity is an interesting thing (like I said). But I see it as something that is very obvious, something that if you really wanted you could easily sit down and say this is the fertilizer I need to grow in this direction. Although, possibly obvious, I regard it as one of the hardest to acquire and secure.

“A mature person is one who is does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably” “The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.” “Maturity is: The ability to stick with a job until it's finished; The ability to do a job without being supervised; The ability to carry money without spending it; and The ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even” “Maturity of mind is the capacity to endure uncertainty.”

Personally I believe maturity is more than just age, it's more than just being responsible, it's more than having some grey hairs. I could see a 50 year old, grey haired, successful man - none of those characteristics would tell me if he is mature or not, which a lot of the world probably disagrees with.

I was thinking the other day how in a few months I will be 23. When most people approach a birthday, they say they feel so old, or they are astonished at how old they are. Honestly, it feels very natural to be turning that age - I could stack a couple more years onto it and I don't think it would phase me to much. Although, I don't know how mature I am. Because I am positive when I am 32 looking back I will only see the immature, naive, too proud, little girl I am today.

And if I look back, I at least know I am a little more mature today than I was at 18 (thankfully). But the things that matured me, have been the complete opposite of what the world seeks after. I matured through not thinking in absolutes, I matured when I had to be objective even though my heart was pounding, when people 'good and bad, mature and immature' have taught me something. I have seen my immaturity in my lack of integrity and seen it grow as I have forced ethics and morals into those dark corners. There is one aspect (And may very well be the only one) that attributes so greatly to my maturity level and that is gaining humility. A characteristic that is not enjoyable in learning and obtaining.

So to me, maturity is not necessarily those grey hairs and numerous candles on the birthday cake, to me it's how much of your pride you can swallow (even when no one else knows your choking to get it all down).

[As I closed this blog I couldn't help think of that time Abraham Lincoln had a meeting with an individual in his office, the two men walked out of his office, the visitor looking disturbed and discomposed. As Lincoln said to himself, "I don't like that man's face" his secretary replied, "sir, I don't think he can help the way his face looks." And recalling not his physical features but the annoyance he allowed to escape through his brow Lincoln replied, "When a man has lived for 4 decades, he has no excuse to not be in control of his face."
Maturity is being level-headed and wise - I admire the way Lincoln lead a country of individuals who resented him and yet he never showed any turmoil on his face, always being in control of himself. Because there is nothing in life we can control outside of ourselves, but we do have the choice to how we react and live - and our maturity shows through every face we make.]

vagrant living

In the last 5 weeks I've traveled 3,826km of South African soil.

And come October I will be in 6 different countries + 6 different U.S. states in 5 weeks;

in those last recent weeks my brother was my companion.

My brother came and we watched surfing, hung out in Jbay, laughed with lions, drove the garden route to Cape Town, played with penguins, stayed with hipster friends, took a train for brekkie, drove the peninsula and had lunch on Cape Horn, hiked up Table Mountain, strolled the shops of Long street, slept in the Amber Tree Hostel on Kloofnek street, ate Asian with friends, jumped the world’s largest bungee, drove north (getting lost and finding ourselves in a deserted African town), cruised the game land of Addo Elephant national park, and spent our last day on PE’s boardwalk eating burgers and icecream.

It was amazing having him here, beyond amazing. I think I was smiling the entire time, it brought me so much comfort, so much joy to have him near. It seems as if every time we are together we get a little closer, I’ve quit picking on him and he has matured – and our brother/sister relationship has flourished into a friendship that I don’t know what I would do without.

Having him here though made me think, it brought so much love into my heart that the community I have been missing and longing for hit a vein even deeper in my heart than it has this year. ( I have a community here, an amazing one full of impressive individuals, but God did something unique inter-twining those hearts of my Joplin family). It didn’t make me cry myself to sleep at night, or whine to him, it didn’t make me write long sappy letters to those I’ve left behind; it just made me say o so solemnly that being the adventurous wanderer that I am is quite a lonely thing.

I am ok with it at times, being alone with only my independency as my company, and when I was 18 I preferred it that way, but living in Joplin almost bea the lone-wolf out of me. I cannot and would not want to live life without my adventures, and I realize I write a lot about being adventurous and my adventures, but I only write about the alluring and enchanting side of adventure. Truth be told: adventures truly are risky, most of the time to your physical being, all of the time to your emotional well-being.

And now as I reflect on life I see how I still love adventures and still allow them to have a major role in my life and my relationship with God. But I now see how I cannot (will not) live without community.

As I spoke to my dear friend Kaitlin about her upcoming wedding we spoke about how marriage is a grand adventure. I believe those people trekking this earth, scheming schemes and playing with perilous escapades – have an adventure they are missing out on. The adventure of relationships, friendships, marriage, being a component in a community, being a member of a church, being an element in a neighborhood.

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” — Henry David Thoreau

Its easy for me to agree with this quote, with my love for nature and solitary - knowing that the woods can teach you things that you cannot learn on a computer. But if the trees can teach you and the rocks can discipline you and the waters can awe you, the impact they contain for you is miniscule when compared to the deliberate life you could live when you are living this life with other lives. When the vagabond grows roots and and ties knots to other souls so tightly that not even the seductive allure of this world could sever them - that is a day when kingdoms are made and adventures are had.

Nostalgic Nights

My younger, bigger brother is with me (well he is actually fast asleep on my bedroom floor at the moment) but he flew over the large pond from the Yankee side of the world to come to South Africa, to come see me.

Our days have been leisurely and lovely – with the Billabong Pro having off days the past two days it has allowed me to give my full attention to Kellen (and Gunner his mate who joined him for this African adventure). Yesterday, their first day here in Jbay was quite chill – showing them around the town and teaching them as much as I could about South African culture.

While today got off to a chill start, and a walk to the beach this afternoon - it was topped off at the lion park (which was amazing) and then we drove onward to PE for the premiere of Soul Surfer (that we, CSA, were hosting) that went amazing as well. So our time in the sunshine has been enjoyable and relaxing so far.

But my time in the night may be my favorite with my little brother. We grew up sharing a room for years, with our bunk beds we would always stay awake late into the nights, either laughing or annoying one another. And now here I find us – sharing a room, again – ages 22 and 21 and on the other side of the world. On the other side of life.

These night times definitely bring me into a bit of a nostalgic state, so thankful for my childhood, for my family, for my brother. Kellen and I both have a ridiculous habit of sleep talking – sleep talking a lot and quite loud actually. So the first night with my American brother in my African home consisted of us waking one another up with our random dreamy bursts and both of us shooting up in our beds, talking in our sleepy state to one another or to ourselves; I guess we’ll never know. A habit formed because of our late night shenanigans as kids; possibly.

And night two didn’t necessarily give me nostalgia for those past childhood days – or make me reminisce on the attributes my brother and I share. But it made me thankful for the people we are today and for the friendship we have developed. Sharing our hearts we talked about life and things we don’t tell others and then to cap off our ‘goodnight-sleep tights’ we prayed (just like those childhood days). But instead of it beginning with ‘now I lay me down to sleep…’ it began with a little more maturity, a little more vulnerability.

I love South Africa. I love surfing. But those things do not match up to the love I have in my heart for my baby brother. I want him to be on every adventure I take for the rest of my life, I want him to have the best and nothing less, I want to know his entire heart and bear all of his burdens.

But for tonight I will sleep soundly – because I am warm in my African home after a day of playing with lions and I have my brother sound asleep right by my side.