Running reverie

I was running the other day and had some thoughts come my way, thoughts that correlated running with living. That correlated the concrete road that I was jogging down with this rugged path that I am passing days with.

I was jogging, just warmed up, in the best part of my run, about kilometer 5. And there was a massive wind this day, about 35 mph, that was pushing and shoving me around. As I was running the incline on the side of one of Jbay's main roads the wind picked up on my back, as I thought with a smile 'this is quite fun, quite enjoyable, and the wind is just helping me along on this nice little run.' And then I realized what was really happening, the wind was causing me to pick up my pace, with 5 kilometers left to go I noted if I go any quicker than the set pace I'll be killing myself on that last 400 meters of straight up-hill to my flat. So quickly my smile turned to grimace as I no longer used the wind as an advantage but resisted against it, attempting to keep my set pace.

I starting thinking about running the path of life, that korny cliche that always comes into my mind while on runs during such a transitional period of life. And I began thinking how easily this run could be no fun. I was running about 10ks that day, with a very strong, winter bitter wind beating against my naked legs, cars streaming past me with no concern for my safety. And I could be quite agitated, ready to quit, to walk, to just go back home. But I truly was thoroughly enjoying my run even in the midst of the obstacles. And I owe it to my faithful ipod. The music I was listening to kept me so stoked for this run, it made the obstacles just entertaining and challenging rather than difficult and discouraging. Songs like this and this and even this one. Helped me to jump and jive while i jogged.

And this is where I relate it to life...

In life we always have noise filling our ear drums. From our community to our environment to whatever it is that we decide to fill our hearing vices with. And sometimes, its aginast our choice, we are set, stuck, in a community that is filling us with noise and we don't have ear plugs thick enough to keep it out. That noise will make all the difference. You may be on a difficult run, a path that God placed you on that you need to run because it will turn you into a grand person, a path you need to experience because it will only help you grow - and it could be a fun growth, an enjoyable time.

But if I would have been listening to mellow music, to sorrowful songs, or to lowly lyrics I can promise you I would not have enjoyed that run, I would have taken a short cut home in order to escape the winds blow.

The noise you put in your head, in your heart, will completely dictate not only your journey but your attitude as you take it - your final outcome. Community is one of the most important things in life, one of the most needed things - you will hear noise, no matter what, but you can choose what noise that is.

Ma.chur.ity.

Maturity. It's an interesting thing. A characteristic trait that many, if not all, of the people surrounding me believe they hold. It is a characteristic dent in some one's molding that if you were to tell them was not there, or only came out now and then - they well, would get defensive, very defensive.

But maturity is an interesting thing (like I said). But I see it as something that is very obvious, something that if you really wanted you could easily sit down and say this is the fertilizer I need to grow in this direction. Although, possibly obvious, I regard it as one of the hardest to acquire and secure.

“A mature person is one who is does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably” “The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.” “Maturity is: The ability to stick with a job until it's finished; The ability to do a job without being supervised; The ability to carry money without spending it; and The ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even” “Maturity of mind is the capacity to endure uncertainty.”

Personally I believe maturity is more than just age, it's more than just being responsible, it's more than having some grey hairs. I could see a 50 year old, grey haired, successful man - none of those characteristics would tell me if he is mature or not, which a lot of the world probably disagrees with.

I was thinking the other day how in a few months I will be 23. When most people approach a birthday, they say they feel so old, or they are astonished at how old they are. Honestly, it feels very natural to be turning that age - I could stack a couple more years onto it and I don't think it would phase me to much. Although, I don't know how mature I am. Because I am positive when I am 32 looking back I will only see the immature, naive, too proud, little girl I am today.

And if I look back, I at least know I am a little more mature today than I was at 18 (thankfully). But the things that matured me, have been the complete opposite of what the world seeks after. I matured through not thinking in absolutes, I matured when I had to be objective even though my heart was pounding, when people 'good and bad, mature and immature' have taught me something. I have seen my immaturity in my lack of integrity and seen it grow as I have forced ethics and morals into those dark corners. There is one aspect (And may very well be the only one) that attributes so greatly to my maturity level and that is gaining humility. A characteristic that is not enjoyable in learning and obtaining.

So to me, maturity is not necessarily those grey hairs and numerous candles on the birthday cake, to me it's how much of your pride you can swallow (even when no one else knows your choking to get it all down).

[As I closed this blog I couldn't help think of that time Abraham Lincoln had a meeting with an individual in his office, the two men walked out of his office, the visitor looking disturbed and discomposed. As Lincoln said to himself, "I don't like that man's face" his secretary replied, "sir, I don't think he can help the way his face looks." And recalling not his physical features but the annoyance he allowed to escape through his brow Lincoln replied, "When a man has lived for 4 decades, he has no excuse to not be in control of his face."
Maturity is being level-headed and wise - I admire the way Lincoln lead a country of individuals who resented him and yet he never showed any turmoil on his face, always being in control of himself. Because there is nothing in life we can control outside of ourselves, but we do have the choice to how we react and live - and our maturity shows through every face we make.]

vagrant living

In the last 5 weeks I've traveled 3,826km of South African soil.

And come October I will be in 6 different countries + 6 different U.S. states in 5 weeks;

in those last recent weeks my brother was my companion.

My brother came and we watched surfing, hung out in Jbay, laughed with lions, drove the garden route to Cape Town, played with penguins, stayed with hipster friends, took a train for brekkie, drove the peninsula and had lunch on Cape Horn, hiked up Table Mountain, strolled the shops of Long street, slept in the Amber Tree Hostel on Kloofnek street, ate Asian with friends, jumped the world’s largest bungee, drove north (getting lost and finding ourselves in a deserted African town), cruised the game land of Addo Elephant national park, and spent our last day on PE’s boardwalk eating burgers and icecream.

It was amazing having him here, beyond amazing. I think I was smiling the entire time, it brought me so much comfort, so much joy to have him near. It seems as if every time we are together we get a little closer, I’ve quit picking on him and he has matured – and our brother/sister relationship has flourished into a friendship that I don’t know what I would do without.

Having him here though made me think, it brought so much love into my heart that the community I have been missing and longing for hit a vein even deeper in my heart than it has this year. ( I have a community here, an amazing one full of impressive individuals, but God did something unique inter-twining those hearts of my Joplin family). It didn’t make me cry myself to sleep at night, or whine to him, it didn’t make me write long sappy letters to those I’ve left behind; it just made me say o so solemnly that being the adventurous wanderer that I am is quite a lonely thing.

I am ok with it at times, being alone with only my independency as my company, and when I was 18 I preferred it that way, but living in Joplin almost bea the lone-wolf out of me. I cannot and would not want to live life without my adventures, and I realize I write a lot about being adventurous and my adventures, but I only write about the alluring and enchanting side of adventure. Truth be told: adventures truly are risky, most of the time to your physical being, all of the time to your emotional well-being.

And now as I reflect on life I see how I still love adventures and still allow them to have a major role in my life and my relationship with God. But I now see how I cannot (will not) live without community.

As I spoke to my dear friend Kaitlin about her upcoming wedding we spoke about how marriage is a grand adventure. I believe those people trekking this earth, scheming schemes and playing with perilous escapades – have an adventure they are missing out on. The adventure of relationships, friendships, marriage, being a component in a community, being a member of a church, being an element in a neighborhood.

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” — Henry David Thoreau

Its easy for me to agree with this quote, with my love for nature and solitary - knowing that the woods can teach you things that you cannot learn on a computer. But if the trees can teach you and the rocks can discipline you and the waters can awe you, the impact they contain for you is miniscule when compared to the deliberate life you could live when you are living this life with other lives. When the vagabond grows roots and and ties knots to other souls so tightly that not even the seductive allure of this world could sever them - that is a day when kingdoms are made and adventures are had.