can·di·da [kan-di-duh]

So it's official, well not actually official but by my own diagnosis, my body is infested with a horrible case of candida. This yeast has overgrown my intestinal tract giving me annoying and painful symptoms one on top of the other. This yeast is beginning to spread throughout me, it will grow and get worse if I don't stop it, so the only way to stop it? Lots of pills; probiotics, detoxes, candex, cleanses, enzymes, blah, blah, blah. And a very strict diet; no carbs, no grains, no sugar, no fruit, no caffeine, blah. Which leaves me to eating merely vegetables and (some) meat, which is much harder then it even sounds. You just have to get creative and have a positive attitude... today at starbucks: iced, decaf americano, no milk, sugar-free vanilla! Ha, take that candida!        With this ridiculous sickness that has had me rolled up in the fetal position in pain and at other times had me so lethargic you'd think they stuck me with a pain killer and marijuana syringe.  But this internal growing fungus is more common than you think, everyone has it, just to different degrees, unfortunately I believe I have some allergies to assist in all this treachery. But this fungus inside my intestines has got me to thinking about other "candida." 

Let's have a look shall we ...

"I hope there are some who will brave ridicule for the sake of common justice to half 

the people in the world." Barbara Leigh Smith Bodichon (1827–1891), British feminist. As quoted in Barbara Bodichon, Introduction, by Candida Lacey (1987).

"Do you think that the things people make fools of themselves about are any less real and true than the things they behave sensibly about?"

 George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950), Anglo-Irish playwright, critic. (First produced 1897). Marchbanks, in Candida, act 1, The Bodley Head Bernard Shaw: Collected Plays with their Prefaces, vol. 1, ed. Dan H. Laurence (1970).

"That is what all poets do: they talk to themselves out loud; and the world overhears them. But it's horribly lonely not to hear someone else talk sometimes." George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950), Anglo-Irish playwright, critic. Marchbanks, in Candida, act 2.

"We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it." George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950), Anglo-Irish playwright, criti

c. Morell, in Candida, act 1.

   

     These quotes are amazing, but why was the play called Candida? or who would name their daughter Candida? I mean come on, there is a candida blog, a candida diet, a candida play wright, candida cleanses, a candida song (by Tony Orlando), a candida center, candida albicans, thrush, overgrowth and candida yeast. And a big one: candida symptoms, symptoms that have entirely changed my life style. But in the bigger spectrum of life, lets look at a comparison or analogy, if you will, that candida provides for us. I believe it may be more important than the physical turmoil I am now facing.

     Candida, a yeast that plants itself, that we all have, if not taken care of, overgrows and takes over. When you die there is a yeast that decomposes the inside of your body, this is the same yeast that currently resides in my stomach. So bigger picture? How many of us, how many times, do we, do I allow this yeast to overgrow and take control? 

 I am no longer talking about yeast, I am now talking about sin. We all have a seed of sin planted within the hollow bones of our skeleton, now how many of us lose focus and allow that sin to begin to grow with in our very structure and take over? We can so easily lose focus and stop disciplining ourselves. Stop watching what we feed our mouths. If you constantly feed yourself carbs, you will get a horrible case of candida; if you constantly feed your self with the ways of the world, the ways of selfishness, the ways of sin, you will get a horrible sickness.

 

  A sickness not of the physical kind, but of the soulful kind. The genre of sickness that takes you steps, sometimes miles away from the grace of God. A sickness that makes you lose sight of the kingdom, that makes you lose sight of where you belong in the spectrum (God, others, and then you). An overgrowth of "yeast" in your gut will pull you farther from our Father, will pull you farther from the light, the hope, the love that you were born to belong to and fellowship in. 

    I'm not eating carbs or sugar right now, but I can't help wonder what else I shouldn't be eating? Certain music, certain relationships, certain entertainment, certain activities? What else should I be fasting from? Because when we take the sin out of our life we tend to get our eyes opened, it is so easy to sit in a brain fog, blind to our wrongness when our bellies are bloated full of the wrong filling. 

Hebrews 12, what a great passage on what discipline we should obtain, what great words on the love our God holds for us. Hebrews 12: the directions for our soul's cleanse. 

 

succumbing to the sunrise

            Tomorrow I may have to go and fly away. But not today, no not quite yet. For today, for this warm afternoon I lay sprawled on the leather couch looking out onto the sun slicked pavement of county road 100. Last week I moved all of my belongings, my clothes and books, even my tree into a new home. I left Sonja and Lindsey at Norman-ville, which was my home for over a year’s time. And I moved all those boxes of mine into the back room of the Aldridge’s home.

            The Aldridges. A family that I have been close to ever since I moved to Joplin. A family that has taught me about community and God and being open and honest. A family that has accepted me and loved me through all of my defeats and disasters. A family I don’t know what I would do without. But I am not alone, I’m not alone in these feelings that my heart contains for this family because I know more than a handful of kids, of college students, of yearning girls and lonely guys that come here for a haven. So many people, people ranging from baby hood to adulthood retreat to this cowboy stained place that over flows with sweet tea.

            I moved out here to the white shuttered paneled home that lies among the grass and lilies to escape the ruckus of town, I moved out here to the forested, horse filled prairies to clear my head, I moved out to the open land to the lengthy grass roots that flow silently in the wind breeze so that I could dig my roots down a little deeper here in Missouri.

            So, I woke up on my cot, in my room with the wind blowing a kiss on my face as sweat slightly slung my neck, to roll over and see through the wooden blinds a masterpiece. I’ve looked out a lot of windows from my bedside in my life, and I have to be honest this is one of the best. I’ve laid on a hard firm mattress in Italy to look out upon cobbled streets and people in a fury at the market as they shout Italian. I’ve woken up with bites and rashes from the bed bugs that ate me at that hostel in Belize to look out over backpackers holding hands while walking over white sand beaches and crystal clear water. I’ve woken up on a wooden bunk bed to look out my shack’s window in South Africa to see the land roll on into the sunrise as the wildebeest roam in herds and the zebra follow close behind. And I will never forget walking up in a dorm room to see the cafeteria right out front and students meandering to class.

            This window from my bedside, it’s a little different. Beautiful in its own way, but a little more precious. I woke up to see the fields go on for just a way before they ran straight into the trees, and as a very light fog barely sat upon the thistles they reflected the red of the sunrise. The sun was barely up as it was already shouting and spurting out the colors of righteousness to welcome it’s way into our day. And the sun did not keep its rays to itself, it spread its light unto the rest of the world.

            Just as that sun spread and touched everything in its path, Aldridge’s do that. They spread light onto every person that walks through their door onto their wooden cowboy floor. Just like we are all suppose to do, as Christians that is, spreading Jesus’ light onto the world. Do I dare entire into such a cliché statement as that? Do I dare say spread the light of Jesus into the world?

            It may be cliché, it may be corny, it may be overrated… but how true it is. The sun has a way of saying good morning, easing into the day slightly, lovely, patiently. Just as we are to love on people. The sun does not shoot itself straight into the middle of the sky and it does not fall on the earth on top of you, smoldering you. No, it is patient, it is kind; gentle almost.

            But its true, we can only fully appreciate a sunrise once we have been in the darkness of the night. This last year was so hard for me, so full of stress and trials and tribulations of the sort. And out of the darkness I have been placed in the sunlight, being able to wake up to the glorious gobs of light that are being poured over me now, whether that is relationships or working in a coffee shop or preparing for an African adventure. That’s what is going on in my life today… I’m waiting in a moment of sunlight, watching the sunrise slowly rise and taking in every piece of its beauty, for there is a beauty in the silence, there is a beauty in the peaceful heart, there is a beauty when the Lord draws near in this soul of mine. Where do you lay your head today? When you awake I hope that it is a magnificent sight for eyes and a tug to every chord in your heart. 

Dance your heart out

 Aren't these pictures absolutely gorgeous? Stunning, breathe taking... the essence of beauty being captured in an environment that is completely outside of it's own true element. This quote had caught my eye in the past and it came back to my thoughts when looking over these pictures: "To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking." ~Agnes De Mille

     i believe any type of art form is you being outside of yourself. You expressing your soul

 your being to the world.

When you watch a dance you feel empowered, you feel like you know beauty and can finally possibly capture the fibers of harmony. [just imagine how empowered the actual dancer feels] becoming one with music, one with lyrics and chords 

and noises that when all brought together make a sweet melody. It is a moment, a collision of two art forms slamming into our world. Slapping our world in the face, saying do not be ugly, do not be harsh. Do not let the wares and tares that have been burned upon you to leave their scare. For in the midst of this chaos we call life, in the midst of this ever growing evil we see cratering under our feet and collapsing over our heads, we still can bring in beauty and love and a melody that is willing to fight with power on the stands of truth and grace. 

     You, my dear reader, you as an individual are truly grace on earth. But there is a power lying within your bones. And it is your choice to come outside of yourself and in some way or form show your soul to the world. My heart yearns for the world to see itself how I see it. Many a times I have wondered how my rib cage is so strong, strong enough to hold my heart inside my chest on those days when I feel like it is going to burst out and completely fly out of me so that it may have a standing chance to show the world what love is, what beauty is. So, go out there, get out there; be more, get out of yourself. Be larger, be more beautiful, more powerful, Show a glorified light onto the soil of our earth. 

[The Ballerina Project is auctioning a selection of fine limited edition prints to help raise money for the continue progress of the project. Here is an opportunity to own your own piece of the Ballerina Project. Thank you for your support.]

For more information on these prints or to place a bid please go to the link below:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=270606656841